Our Big D̶r̶i̶s̶u̶s̶ Nicolas Cage Adventure

This session is canon with The Risus Five sessions, and was Dale's first session GMing. As indicated by the title, it was the first session to use Drisus, Dale's Risus variant. It takes place towards the end of and after the events of the second Risus Five session, and introduces three new player characters. It was also the first session where Garrett was not the GM.

Characters
Hhhehehe the Hedgehog played by Garrett

John played by Ernie

D'Brikshaw played by Clam

Summary of Events
The characters are all contacted by a mysterious source in an abandoned garden shop. Right off the bat, Hhhehehe finds a pony in the cash register, and a wolverine in the floorboards. The Gazebo in the back, who reveals his true form as Nicolas Cage, reveals that The Potted Plant was an agent of his, and that he too wanted to apprehend Adorf Hilter. However, the NASA building was now under seige by Chef Boyardee, whose two sons, Tony Pajamas and Pauly, were killed by the Risus Five party.

In order for the party to prove themselves, Cage reveals that a garden gnome and birdbath were actually Steve Carrell and Will Ferrel, armed with a handsaw and rock respectively. Hhhehehe trampled Steve with his pony, mauled him with his wolverine, and then decapitated him with his saw, taking his head as a trophy. John took a rock to the face before Will surrendered. Cage, enraged at Hhhehehe's conduct, smacked the rings out of him.

They are deployed on their mission via Cage's demonically-summoned van and cage-o-copter, and land on the roof of the building. On the fifth floor where they enter, they find the first two Ravioli Guards, Boyardee's men. Hhhehehe is caught in his sneaking and is forced to fight, where he uses his newly-crafted three-section staff to smack the man in the face. Afterwards, the pony has his leg broken in battle, and is injected with Nazi Heroine, and goes bezerk, injuring the party severely before its face is exploded by another three-section-staff strike. John uses his wrench to strike one in the head, and it explodes into spaghetti sauce. The remaining Ravioli Guard, frightened, attemps to flee, but Hhhehehe catches him and flying kicks him in the back, killing him.

It is on this floor that the began construction of the most horrifying weapon of war ever constructed: The Fear Bomb.

On the next floor, a spinning NASA centrifuge machine is encountered, and cannot be passed without turning it off. Hhhehehe manages to get into the computer with the passworld "gottagofast", and proceeds to use MS paint to draw an invincibility powerup and bashes the monitor to obtain it. He attempts to hold the spinning machine closed for the others to pass through, but is instead smacked through the wall into the parking lot. He runs back up the side of the building after striking a ramp into the concrete with his staff as the rest of the party just turns the computer off.

On Floor 3, Hhhehehe tackles an italian chef he sees and begins questioning him. After he is released, he takes John hostage with his chef's knife, but is routed. A great threat is also warned about existing on the second floor, so the party hesitates on descending. Hhhehehe repels down the side of the building with his staff and learns by looking through the window that on that floor is located The Goat of Terror. After heated debate, what they do is have D'Brikshaw lodge the lightning rod they snagged from the roof on the floor and shoot it with a hyper beam, killing 7 of the 16 Ravioli Guard stationed at the front entrance. They then descend to the second floor, where The Goat messes with their heads a bit and then just leaves.

On the first floor, they encounter the four captains of Boyardee: Toucan Sam, Godzilla, the Space Ghost from Scooby Doo, and The Rabbit from Monty Python. They distract the grunts with a decoy grenade and move on. Toucan Sam is horribly mutilated by the first round of surprise attacks and dies. It is later revealed that he had five wives. Godzilla begins charging his laser, and Hhhehehe attemps to choke him with his staff, but failing that, his wolverine jumps down its throat with a critical success and contains the explosion, making godzilla's head explode, killing the wolverine. Godzilla's tooth impales the space ghost, and D'Brikshaw's hyper beam annihilates the rabbit. They proceed.

They find Boyardee, taking Clam, Adorf Hilter, his minion, and Ernie's burn-victim waifu Hanako hostage, as well as The Potted Plant sneaking around in the back. After some negotiation, Boyardee shoots Hanako dead, enraging Hhhehehe, who had a mysterious ulterior motive with her. The entire party attacks, and Hilter and Goring join in the fight. Boyardee is revealed to be Venito Fettuccine, and springs Hilter and Goring from the cage, but the party use a cloud of laughing gas, funnelled by Hhhehehe rolling around at the speed of sound and creating a cyclone. The foes are all incapacitated and beheaded, and Fettucine's head is acquired, as ordered by Cage.