Million-Dollar Moon Mission

Million Dollar Moon Mission was a session GMed by Garrett on June 30th, 2013, and was his return to GMing after Dale and Ernie's turns at the job. It follows the events of Brik-sus and Awesome. The vast majority of the session was spent in Zap's Hell Board Game, spent doing a wide variety of challenges and fighting many different enemies. It was agreed upon to be a hit-and-miss session because of the very high level of improvisation on the part of the GM. While it provided some sparks of ingenuity, it also failed to deliver from a lack of planning on several occasions.

Players
Dale as The Potted Plant Clam as D'Brikshaw Ernie as John Clam Jr. as Dog The following characters in this session appear as NPCs: Hhhehehe the Hedgehog, previously played by Garrett Captain Pikachu, previously played by Kelsenberg

Summary of Events
After the party found the Italian rocket, Nicolas Cage came in the form of the Nicolacopter, and brought Clam and John from the FBI in hopes of having additional man power for the final assault on the moon. However, Cage himself chose not to go, stating ambiguous business he had to take care of. Hhhehehe the Hedgehog, Clam, D'Brikshaw, The Potted Plant, John, and Dog were sent up in the space shuttle.

On the space ship, a radio transmission came back from mission control that they lost track of the moon somehow. When Ernie asked who it was who contacted them, because they had no friends in the Italian space association, the voice cut out, and lights went off on the ship. Ernie spotted a noose around Hhhehehe's neck in the dark, and when the lights came back on he and clam were gone. Zap Stylin's enormous head showed up in space and announced that they were all in his grasp, and the moon had been hidden where they would never find it. It was then they all appeared in Zap's Hell Board Game.

Rules of the Board Game
To complete the game, all 11 keys must be taken to the door at the end. The spaces with keys on them are linked by two boss spaces and three special challenges between them. The boss spaces are a fight with a randomly-selected foe. The special challenges can be anything and anywhere that someone could conceivably lose or win. Players move 1d4 spaces every turn. Every one of Zap Stylin's turns, a random special effect happens, such as messing with the players' inventories or positions on the board. When all keys are acquired, bosses spawn at every key space every 2 turns and movement jumps to 1d8 until the end of the game. Here is a list of interesting things that occurred during the board game: I cannot hope to remember all the shit that happened in this session.
 * The Potted Plant must escape from a jail. He meets The Spy in one of the jail cells, but chooses not to free him. In the courtyard, he encounters Hhhehehe the Hedgehog. After they agree to relax and murder a bunch of people, Hhhehehe reveals that he was the spy, and backstabs him.
 * John encounters Ernest Hemingway, who states that he is pleased to meet him, and introduces himself as the author of Les Miserables. John attempts to get on his good side and say he's a fan of the book, when Hemingway slaps him in the face. He failed the challenge for failing to recognize that Hemingway didn't write Les Miserables. Garrett died laughing.
 * The Potted Plant does battle with Onono Imoko, adviser to the togukawa shogunate. Onono shoves the plant's 3 weapons up his hat and uses it as Mr. Game & Watch's oil bucket, almost doing some serious damage, but missing. After accidentally committing seppuku, Onono is ignored completely and Hhhehehe the Hedgehog appears once again, claiming that to break free of Zap's illusions, the oven in the nearby teahouse must be destroyed. Hhhehehe feeds a ferret an incindiery bullet and puts it in the cranked-up oven, and tells the Plant to run like hell. While running like hell, Hhhehehe was a spy and backstabs the shit out of him
 * Dog had 700 hitmen come after him, and while in hiding got fucking suplexed into the twin towers by Hitler and caused 9/11.
 * The Potted Plant did a shit ton of cocaine that he was supposed to sell, an almost got killed by Bobobo Bo-bobobo throwing a subway sandwich like a javelin.
 * D'Brikshaw fought The Spy, Bobobo Bo-bobobo, and Batman all at once. He charged his hyperbeam and then headbutted Batman in the gut, looking up and blowing off his fucking head. Bobobo suddenly sprouted a mechanical arm, but D'Brikshaw managed to trick the spy into sapping it. After that arm exploded, he sprouted a wasabi tentacle and shoved it down D'Brikshaw's throat, but his hyper beam combined with the spicy wasabi and completely discorporated Bobobo's entire top half (but his legs run off). The spy fucking runs for his life.
 * John fought the Hamburglar by shoving a fork in his eye and ripping his flesh open, revealing a torrent of french fries from his flesh. It was horrifying.
 * John shoved forks into Shrek's eyes and literally punched his head off.
 * John fucking murdered squidward unprovoked.

In the end the party learns that Captain Pikachu was behind it all and Zap had been dead for a while. It is currently unknown as to whether Captain Pikachu can raise the dead, or whether he is simply a god-tier illusionist.